Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
zippers are such a cool invention
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
