You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
