At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
