I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize