Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
