Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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