she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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