i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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