i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
