you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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