Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
