FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize