yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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