It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
