but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
