therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
