He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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