i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
