not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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