It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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