i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
