I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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