you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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