i think my tv is drunk
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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