I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
