you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize