This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
