im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
