Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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