I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
