so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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