I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
