We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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