I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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