He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
