so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
