One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
