yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
