plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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