she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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