Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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