oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to sanitize my soul.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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