OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
