I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
