I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
