my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
is it fun? or sober?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
