It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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