hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
