woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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