I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
