You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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