If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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