How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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