Non-Jews are for practice
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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