sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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