last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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