Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
