Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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