i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
