I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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