Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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