we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Green mimosas i think yes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
