Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
