yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
