just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
