so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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