I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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