could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
