yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
