He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
