New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
