Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
