so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
