I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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