Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize