erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
