hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
