By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
