We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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