idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
