the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize