in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize