You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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