im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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