When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
