He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
