I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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