i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
