I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
