you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
