i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
