Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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