I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i think my cat just said my name.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
