do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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