Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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