Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
