I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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