i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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