4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
