after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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