drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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