one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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